Tarnished

You and me will never be
So I'm asking God why me
Why these visions
The dreams of him and me
When it really wasn't him at all
It was The Devil
Tricking me
Confusing me
Making me think it was prophecy
No matter how many times I ignore the truth
My heart is deeply wounded
And the scars are buried so deep no one can see
He was my first
I remember when I was just infatuated with him
Even before I caught real feelings for him
Asking God to let me be his rib
Thinking he was just a faze like all the rest
Thinking he fitted into this pattern I created for myself
But I was dead wrong
I got trapped
I fell for a dude I hardly know
For a dude I never even met
I had dreams of being his wife
Of having his child
Of helping him build his empire
And even though I cut all ties with him
I still love him more than I love myself
I never felt this way about anyone in my life
What crazy situation did The Devil put me in
How did this happen?
I didn't sign up for this
I didn't want this
Wanted the regularity
The stuff I'm used to
I'm still new to this
See, all my other infatuations had a shelf life
I was so used to it
Who knew this dude was gonna break the pattern and have me questioning what's real and what's not
I don't know what's real anymore
If this is a test
I'm flunking
I'm talking F+++
Cuz in all reality it doesn't matter to me
Who he is
Who he was or will be
He's not apart of my life
And I make no bones to be apart of his
Cuz the truth is
An even more still
I just want him to be happy
Hope he's with who he's meant to be with
Hope she pops out 4 or 5 kids
Hope he lives happily ever after
If I believed in happily ever after
I gave him all of me
An maybe that's where I went wrong
I actually thought he was The One
Cuz he was the one that got through to my heart